I may not see the concrete connection yet between not being keen on seeing anyone especially on big occasions like the upcoming Thanksgiving Dinner and softly cradling in my mind the delicate thought of losing my dog (though I haven't and he is still doing okay after his cancer diagnosis last month with the help of steroids) but this is exactly how I grieved after I lost my parents. I didn't want to see nor talk to anybody for a couple of years.
I'm torn between honoring this feeling or fighting it, for the sake of being proper to my usual circle of family and friends who, of course, would love to have me celebrate with them.
But for now, I have made the decision to spend a quiet Thanksgiving with hubby and the dogs. We will share a steak with Tankie and have a quiet movie night in our pajamas, cuddling each other.
Also because...
With this stormy personal revolution (evolution?) that's going on inside my heart, career-wise (and dharma-wise?), until that's settled, I feel that staying home and not subjecting myself to further noise would be therapeutically the best for now.
